So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
