The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
