The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
