im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Everclear isn't food dammit
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
