This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
