Got a toothbrush?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
