I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize