There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sober January is a disaster.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
