Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
