just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
