I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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