Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There r osticjed everywhere
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
