I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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