I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
