Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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