Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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