I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
