So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
