never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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