apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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