they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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