did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
