I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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