I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Please don't give away my fajitas
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize