hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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