hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
We named our party play list daddy issues
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
