I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
