I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
