Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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