THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
