There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize