Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
