oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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