Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
