I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
But theres a keg here and me gusta
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
