No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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