Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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