This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
