Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize