During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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