And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
