im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
