I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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