You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
