mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
