I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
