I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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