He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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