Just cropdusted the office
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
