I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
