That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
