I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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