I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
