Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
True strength comes from lack of pants
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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