She is in my trunk
i barfeds in our rink
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
