True but thats because hes a fetus.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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