but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
