i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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