i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
