why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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