I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
