upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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