You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
