I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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