Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
How's work?
Spinning.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
