Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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