i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
