A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
