Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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