Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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