That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
