I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
