I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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