So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
