Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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