i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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