Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
it's like iHOP with fire
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize