Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
