Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
