my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
