I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
