Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm too high and old for this...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
