So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
