sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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