my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
