so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
