please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize