Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
