I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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