I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
