it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
