help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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