You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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