well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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