I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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