So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
