So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize