dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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